Yes, looks are important. The way you dress, the way you style your hair, your body shape: all of these things play a large role in how people perceive you.
Here’s the thing, however – if you’re shy and retiring, if you wither and wilt beneath the gaze of your colleagues, you’re going to have a harder time getting where you want in life.
Confidence is an extremely attractive trait, and when done right, it inspires those around us, as well. Learning how to be a confident man can open all sorts of doors.
Now, we’re not talking about arrogance – let’s make that clear. When discussing male confidence, many men seem to interpret this as meaning ‘being very noisy and aggressive’.
You don’t need to do this; confidence is quiet. Whether you’re looking to increase your confidence to win the heart of somebody you’d like to date, or you’re looking to get ahead in your career, here are 13 ways to boost your confidence and change the way people perceive you.
How to be a confident man 101
1. Have a vision
No, we don’t mean in the Biblical sense. Being a confident chap is all about knowing what you want. Because let’s be honest, it’s hard to plan a route if you don’t know your destination.
In order to begin manifesting more confidence from within, write down your goals for the long term. Make sure they’re sizable enough to present a challenge.
Then break this challenge down into steps, and get cracking on making it happen. Driven people are inspiring. Passion is sexy.
2. Fail. A lot.
A lack of confidence often comes from fear of failure. Not asking somebody out for fear they will say no, not stating your opinion in a team meeting for fear of being disagreed with: that sort of thing.
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The next time you’re around a confident person, observe them. You may have a perception of them that they make no mistakes, however, this is untrue.
The reality is that confident people mess up just as often as everybody else. The difference, however, is that they take this in their stride. They don’t let it ruin their day; they simply shrug it off, learn from it, and do better next time.
Never be afraid to fail!
3. Look after your appearance
While confidence doesn’t necessarily require you to be good-looking, it can certainly help you feel better about yourself, especially early on in your confidence journey.
Get a fresh haircut, buy a couple of smart new outfits, and keep up a basic grooming routine. Being a confident man is far easier when you’re walking down the street in your trendiest clothes.
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4. Eat a healthy diet
Learning how to become a confident man isn’t all about psychology. It’s incredible the difference a good diet can have on our day-to-day confidence.
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Throw out any processed foods in your fridge and replace them with healthy alternatives, and cook meals from scratch with natural ingredients. When you’re getting plenty of fruit and vegetables in your diet, you’ll feel more energetic day-to-day, and your waistline will feel the benefit too!
5. Take action
Confident people take action. If you want to know how to become a confident man, it’s crucial to set up a daily routine.
This will help you to be productive, as achieving small tasks early on in your day—something as simple as making your bed and drinking a glass of water—will build your confidence in achieving bigger tasks further down the line.
When you’ve stuck to your routine for long enough, it’ll become a habit, and you won’t even realise you’re doing it!
6. Push yourself out of your comfort zone
Try to do one thing that scares you each week. It might be giving a presentation, or heading out on a blind date, or joining a combat class.
Pushing yourself in this way ensures your comfort zone will continue to grow and grow, until there’s very little that leaves you feeling uncomfortable.
7. Maintain a positive attitude
Positive people are charismatic. Have you ever been at a party and seen somebody moping and moaning in the corner and thought ‘yes, I think I’ll go and chat to that surly dude over there’? You have not.
People are attracted to bright, bold personalities. In order to bring extra positivity into your life, take a little time at the beginning and end of each day to make positive affirmations: write down (or say out loud) things that have gone well, things you are grateful for, and what you want to make happen that day.
In this way, you’ll gradually move your whole mindset into a more positive way of thinking.
8. Be generous
Generosity is always charismatic; nobody likes a miser. Whether it’s with friends and family or even complete strangers, give generously.
This doesn’t necessarily mean just financially. It might be in the form of favors, kind words, or simply your time. As well as helping to improve the lives of those around you, it’ll give you a sense of purpose and pride.
9. Try to keep an open mind
Being a confident man means accepting people as they are, and avoiding passing judgement. When you keep an open mind, you’re open to learning, open to being wrong, and open to asking for help.
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All of these, beyond being incredibly endearing qualities anyway, can help you grow and flourish as a person.
10. Be curious
Ask questions—a lot! People love to talk about themselves, and they love seeing somebody invested in learning more about them.
By asking questions (and remembering the answers you receive) you’ll show warmth and empathy to those around you, which are incredibly charismatic qualities.
11. Use past wins to motivate yourself
If you’re having an off day, it’s very easy to declare yourself a failure and a loser and everything else negative under the sun. Learning how to be a confident man is all about using your previous wins to keep yourself motivated. You have succeeded in the past, and you can succeed again.
Think back to your best moments—the times you made yourself proud, made your friends and loved ones smile, and oozed charisma. Think of the times you felt like the person you were truly meant to be, and focus on that feeling. You can feel that again. It’s all just a matter of optimism and perseverance. In fact…
12. Persevere, always
Confident people don’t quit at the first obstacle. When they meet a challenge, they face it head-on. If they get knocked down, they get up. Confidence in yourself comes from the belief that you are good enough, that you are worthy of achieving your goals.
How are you going to achieve those goals if you don’t persevere? Remember: the master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.
13. Understand that you can’t please everyone
Sometimes, people won’t like you. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and it’s impossible to be liked by all of them. This isn’t any reflection on you as a person, and you can’t please everybody.
Understanding this will allow you to focus on simply being you, and liking who you are, instead of bending over backwards to try and be liked by everyone you come across. Confident people are who they are, and they don’t dwell on people who disagree with them.
Ready for a confidence boost?
In truth, there’s no single secret of how to be a confident man. A lot of it comes from the energy you put out into the world around you. If you can focus on the positives, find your passion, and take joy in engaging with those around you, you’ll naturally begin to exude more charisma, and people will want to spend more time with you.
Becoming confident doesn’t happen overnight. It can take years of slow progress, in fact. But even a millimetre of progress is still progress. So stick at it, and good luck!