It happens to almost all relationships. There is the honeymoon phase at the beginning, then as time goes in, that settles down into a slow glow. So that the fire doesn’t die out completely, it’s important to spice things up to stoke the fire every now and again.
When you first look into what you can do to make things more exciting, it’s great. You discover what each other like your bodies and personalities and it’s easy to keep things hot.
As routines set in and you become more relaxed in your relationship, it can be easy for that sexual chemistry to make an exit. When it gets to this, an effort is needed to romance one another.
So, let’s take a look at what you can do to spice things up.
Try new positions
Now, most of us have likely heard of the Karma Sutra. It details 64 sex positions with most couples getting tired after three or four. It’s likely you’ll find the ones that work for you both and then stick to those. However, shaking it up every so often is what can keep things alive.
Typically all sex positions begin from one of three starting points:
- Someone on top
- Standing up, lying side by side
- Face-to-face vs. rear entry
After these, everything else is a variation. Once you’ve got those basic parameters, the world is your oyster. Perhaps try:
- Reverse missionary
- Reverse cowgirl
- Rear-entry with your partner bent over the bed
If you try something new and it’s not for you, there is nothing wrong with going back to what you know. However, it’s also possible that you may both discover sensations you didn’t think existed.
It’s important that you listen to your body and your partner. Some can find trying something new scary as they’re worried it’ll be embarrassing. Even if the new position doesn’t go well and becomes comical, it’s not a disaster. See it as a chance to laugh and bond, sex is supposed to be fun after all.
Turn the lights out… or keep them on
Research has found that those who are single prefer having sex with the lights on. Whilst those who are in a relationship or are married would rather have their intimate times in a darker setting.
Another study found that men who were exposed to bright light for a period of time during the day had a higher sex drive. They were also found to have increased testosterone levels.
If you are a couple that usually prefers sex in the dark, try keeping the lights on. Seeing each other during these intimate moments can really get you both excited. Guys are more visual creatures, so tend to get more excited by seeing things. Vice versa, if you’re a lights-on couple, plunge yourselves into darkness and see what happens. The lights-off method could work really well for those who love fantasy as the unexpected and unknown can be a real turn-on.
Find out each others’ fantasies
In that you’re looking for ideas on how you get reignite that spark, why not ask your partner? They are the best source of all and there is no need to be ashamed of sexual fantasies. Ensure you both understand that your relationship is a safe space to talk about all your darkest desires.
However, it’s important to recognize that opening up this sort of conversation means you may find out something you didn’t want to know. Better to find out now, rather than later though, right?
Rough and tumble
Now, some may think this one can be intimidating. You love your partner and obviously don’t wish to hurt them. However, with that being said, a survey found that 62% of women like rough sex. It’s a subject that can be very open to interpretation, but the rough play could include:
- Control (submissive/dominant)
- Hair pulling
It’s vital to talk to your partner about these things before trying them out. If you do attempt a little rough play, take extra care to not leave marks as these actions can look like assault. This kind of rough play should only be considered with a trusted partner, and gradually build this up so you’re both safe.
After a long day, sex can feel like the last thing you want to be doing. But who doesn’t want a massage?
Go all out with the music, nice sheets, get the oils and dim the lights.
Massages are a great way to bond and enjoy each other’s bodies without sex. However, once you’re relaxed and that dopamine kicks in, who knows?
So, this one is something many people won’t try out of fear of embarrassment, and that’s completely understandable. But, if you are committed to it, sexual roleplaying can make every sex session a new adventure. You never know, you could uncover kinks and power dynamics, making everything more exciting.
Here are some dress-up ideas for you to look into:
- Boss and employee
- Prisoner and guard
- Doctor and patient
- Student and teacher
Get off the bed
One of the best ways to discover new things in the bedroom is to get out of the bedroom. When you both feel confident in your privacy, take your sessions to other places that suit you. These could be any of the following:
- Kitchen counter
- Dining table
- Office desk
- Swimming pool
Sex outside of your bedroom adds a hot vibe of spontaneity and a sense of impatience. Almost like you won’t make it to the bedroom and you can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s likely that you had sex like this earlier on in your relationship.
Add a tasty treat
Go wild and consider food play. This can be whatever you like but is usually in the realms of:
- Chocolate sauce
- Whipped cream
- Edible lubricant
- Edible underwear
Enjoy toys as well as each other
Sex toys are a key element in many long term relationships. It’s a rarity that women give up their favorite vibrators because there is someone in bed with them on a regular basis, nor should they have to.
Also Read: How to be confident between the sheets
A shopping trip to your local adult store could have you entering a new world of possibilities to boost your play sessions with your partner. There are endless options, including:
- Cock rings to enhance pleasure
- Penis sleeves to prolong intimacy or enhance size
- Vibrators to stimulate the clitoris during penetration
- Butt plugs or anal beads to add anal stimulation
Get out in public
We’re entering the danger zone now, usually where only professionals dare to enter.
Having sex in public provides the ultimate thrill for many couples, from the rush of spontaneity to the risk of being caught. Speaking of getting caught, there are many public places where having sex violates public indecency laws.
You may not know but sex on your balcony, if it’s public facing, is still a violation. There will also be plenty of couples out there dreaming of joining the mile-high club. However, sex in a toilet on an airplane is illegal. As is road head and any other sexual acts performed behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.
The other danger zones you need to be aware of are:
- Public parks
- Back seats of cars parked in public
- Public beaches
There are more subtle public places you can try having sex such as a bathroom or vacant bedroom of a party. This one may surprise you, but sex in bathrooms of nightclubs is also very popular. An advantage of public sex is that if someone catches you, they will likely be too embarrassed to call you out. Instead, they’ll probably just look the other way or leave.
Also Read: What happens when you stop doing it?
The bottom line
Well, there’s a lot of information for you to take away and implement. Putting it mildly, sex does matter. Much of the time, it’s the glue that holds a relationship together. Research has shown that modern relationships can start to fail after just a few bad sexual encounters.
A partner may potentially not even share any dissatisfactions until it’s too late. Instead, don’t sit around and wait for that inevitably awkward conversation, spice it up now for a better sex life.
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