When you’re wanting to know how you can become a more confident guy in the bedroom, you’re likely going to look to our old pal, Google, right?
Sadly, this is likely to drum up a plethora of results created by other guys, who quite frankly, don’t know anything about it. You’ll know exactly the type we mean, they’ll be the type where the answer is drinking coffee made from beans derived from Alaskan caves.
There is a time and place for this kind of advice, just don’t ask us where this is. Now, confidence is something you can just believe to exist, particularly when you’re not entirely sure why it was missing in the first place. The bedroom is where confidence is more evident than ever, and sadly “fake it til you make it” is not going to work here.
It seems like in order to keep your partner happy, you have to be in an abundance of sexual confidence. Therefore faking it, is not the recipe for a long relationship where you can share your happiness, honesty and vulnerability.
Things need to be done the right way for you to gain the right kind of sexual confidence. Much of the time, this starts with understanding what is going on in your head.
What is sexual confidence and why do you need it?
Put simply, sexual confidence is the confidence you carry when in sexual situations. Then, there is also sexual self-esteem, and this is the value you give yourself as a sexual being.
Both of these are essential traits to have when you’re wanting a healthy and functioning sex life/sexual relationship. This is important because any kind of negative attitude towards sexuality and your sexual confidence can really affect your mental health.
There are many factors that can affect your sexual confidence. It’s possible to have low sexual confidence due to issues with body image and therefore feeling self-conscious about your appearance. Perhaps problems such as premature ejaculation or other sexual dysfunctions can create confidence issues.
Whilst weight, height and fitness levels are common topics of discussion between guys, the size of your junk is also something quite openly talked about. It has become common for sexual confidence and performance to be based on the size of a man’s penis, and whether it is “big enough’ to satisfy.
Causes of low sexual confidence
There has been research to show that low sexual confidence has many ways of manifesting itself. The causes of this are mostly related to a lack of self-confidence and other concerns associated with sexual interactions or possibly rejection by a partner.
For example, sexual anxiety, sexual fear and sexual depression are all common dimensions of “sexual self-concept”, this simply means how we view our sexual selves.
So, whether your lack of sexual confidence is related to sexual dysfunction or something else, it’s partly irrelevant. If you feel that you aren’t going to make your partner happy, then you’re clearly not in the right frame of mind to enjoy a sexual encounter.
How to become sexually confident
Your sexual confidence can come from any number of things. However, none of these are available unless you address the key issues that stumped this confidence in the first place.
Whether it be a concern about the size of your junk or something related to body dysmorphia. It could also be some unaddressed performance issue or sexual anxiety, either way, you’ve got to get these things under control.
We’ve got some strategies below for you to work through, all of them are important for you to gain sexual confidence.
Address body issues – even the small ones
A greatly beneficial action you can take to rebuild or boost your sexual confidence is to address any physical symptoms that are harming you.
Now, obviously, hitting the gym and losing weight aren’t small tasks. However, if your confidence were to improve from making some healthy changes, then that’s a good use of your time and effort.
If you’re someone that is experiencing problems like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, the best thing to do is pay a visit to your doctor and talk about your symptoms. In doing so, they can help get to the cause and perhaps put a treatment plan in place.
Whilst we know talking about it may be a little daunting, to begin with, it is really important to address conditions like ED (erectile dysfunction). If you were to ignore these issues it may eventually lead to avoidant behaviour and maybe even a loss of interest in sex. This may therefore damage your sexual confidence even further.
A change to your diet and exercise may address all of these issues and would be great for your well-being, physical, mental and sexual. However, treating health conditions like ED has been seen to hugely improve confidence, as once the problem is solved, there is nothing stopping you from jumping in the sack.
Clear any barriers and mental blocks
It may seem a surprise to some of you, but great sex is a two-way street. This means that anyone you’re forming an intimate relationship with will need to be a part of the solution.
Communication is everything. Talking through any anxieties, fears and worries you have can allow you to feel more confident in the bedroom.
Your confidence issues can also be exacerbated by rejection or lack of interest from your partner. However, this is not a reflection of your attractiveness; your age and a change in hormone levels can cause even the most eager partner to not be as horny.
Learning to accept this is a part of love and not letting it harm your self-image is a part of sexual confidence.
It is really important that you remind yourself of this on a daily basis. Communication and sexual satisfaction are very closely linked, and studies have shown connections between communication issues and intimacy.
One of the keys to defeating relationship problems is compassion. If you’re feeling anxious, you should share this with your partner, as they are most likely to respond well, show love and help you work through what it is that’s making you anxious.
Fake it til you make it – but in a good way
I know we mentioned earlier that faking it is bad and won’t work, but not for everything. There are plenty of things that you can take on now with your behaviours and habits that will help improve your sexual health and confidence.
Practising these things will likely make you feel more comfortable and rebuild your confidence. A good and loving partner will listen to you and give feedback and validation without judgement. By doing this, they take the taboo out of your body image and health concerns.
You may consider being more direct with your partner about what it is you want, and also ask them what they like or enjoy. This could be anything from simple techniques to exploring fetishes and kinks. Something like this works for new relationships and those who have been together a long time. It allows us to explore each other’s bodies and desires.
Also Read: Is your libido normal for your age?
At the end of the day, being confident is all about how to bounce back after experiencing rejection, failure and any other setbacks.
Even if you have a bad night in bed, this is not a reflection on your self-worth or character. You’d still support the same football team even if they lose a game, right?
However, what is a reflection of character is how you choose to respond to these setbacks. You can get to know a person depending on whether they move forward to give it another go, or quit.
The bottom line
Sexual confidence isn’t at all about being a macho man or God’s gift to women with your huge junk.
The age of when that worked is long gone and is quite frankly, cringey. Sexual confidence today is all about a good and healthy sex life and living your life to the fullest, all the while having a high amount of respect for your partner.
So, if the above is what you’re looking for, then your next step would be to speak to your doctor or another healthcare professional.
They’ll be able to discuss the right treatment options for you so you can become your most confident self. Whether you’re experiencing a physical problem like ED or premature ejaculation, they can help.
One last thing to remember is that sexual confidence isn’t something you earn, it is something you find or regain… you never deserved to lose it in the first place.
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