If you think foreplay is a golf term, you really need to read this article because it’s going to change your entire game in the bedroom…
Foreplay is the foundation of good sex and yet, there are too many guys who overlook it. While intercourse might be your sole focus, it’s usually secondary for your lady. And if you’re skipping foreplay, we can pretty much guarantee that only one of you is happy in the bedroom.
It’s time to step up your foreplay sex game. Let’s explore what counts as foreplay, why it’s important, and foreplay ideas to make sure you both are smiling.
- What is foreplay?
- Why is foreplay so important?
- Emotional foreplay ideas
- Physical foreplay tips
- Erogenous zones for foreplay
In short, foreplay is everything leading up to actual intercourse. And we aren’t just talking about oral sex and finger play. Foreplay can start hours or even days before any of that takes place.
Foreplay can be as subtle as a sexual hint like a note or as obvious as describing what you want to do. Foreplay helps to set the stage for what is to come.
It can add excitement and variety. In fact, it can be the only thing you do. Foreplay done right doesn’t necessarily require intercourse.
You might be a guy who likes to get right to the point during sex, but for the vast majority of women, intercourse alone doesn’t do it for them. Shocking, right?
Sure, women enjoy sex, but to bring a woman to orgasm, you need to do some extracurricular work.
This is where foreplay comes in.
Not only does foreplay ensure that your lady is getting what she wants and deserves, but it’ll make the experience of intercourse far better. She’ll be more into it because she’s better prepared both physically and mentally.
More important than the immediate gratification, foreplay allows you to become closer with your partner. Foreplay helps to build emotional intimacy and trust, which promotes the health of the overall relationship.
For example, proper foreplay can help a woman to become properly lubricated. Proper lubrication is important because sex could be painful without it. But getting her wet isn’t the same as you getting turned on.
Think of your penis like a light switch and her vagina as a coffee maker – stay with us for this comparison.
Like a light switch, a simple flick and the light comes on. When making coffee, you need to turn on the coffee pot, let it heat up and build up to get the finished product.
Diving right into sex is boring. Unless it’s a quickie where you both are running low on time but need to have sex now, there’s no need to rush.
Mental foreplay can involve describing what you’ll do in graphic detail or teasing her by acting like you’re about to do something but pulling back at the last moment. More ideas of mental foreplay are listed below.
Much like the coffee pot comparison from above, it’s all about the build up to the action, and mental or emotional foreplay is one of the best ways to do just that.
Here are some emotional foreplays tips that you can try and see which work best for you.
No one talks on the phone anymore, but here’s a good reason to start: phone sex. This is when you make the conversation all about your plans for when you both get home. This is essentially foreplay fuel as you’re describing what is going to happen.
She can’t see you, which is good because it lets her imagination run wild with ideas, thoughts, and desires. She is playing out the scene that will take place and you’re narrating the scene.
If phone sex makes you feel uncomfortable (for now) or you are surrounded by co-workers or friends, the next best option is to sext one another. Writers, this is where you can shine.
Sexting can start as subtle but work its way up to a graphic depiction of what you want to do to her and what you want her to do to you. It’s everything you’d describe during phone sex except you won’t cause a scene.
Careful with this one though; accidentally sending a sext to a friend is a bit embarrassing…
If you’ve been doing the basics of foreplay for a while, the next level for you could be roleplaying. This is where you both assume a role different than who you actually are.
The standard is acting like two strangers meeting in a bar for the first time and seeing where things progress from there as you get to “know each other.”
You can evolve roleplaying to include costumes such as a police officer and criminal roleplay scene. Or the porn classic: teacher and student (Remember: She doesn’t have to necessarily be the student for this one…)
It’s important to remember to make this fun. Don’t take it too seriously. It can be strange adopting these new personas so have a good time with it. The awkwardness quickly wears off and you’ll find that you can easily adopt your new role.
Watching Porn Together
This is an excellent way to set the mood AND get conversation going about what you both like in the bedroom.
Some couples find it difficult to start a dialogue about what they prefer when it comes to foreplay and sex. Watching a porn together will present opportunities to ask questions (e.g., Do you like that?) and present new ideas (e.g., What if we try that?).
We suggest starting off with something pretty straightforward: one girl, one guy. Eventually work your way up to different types of porn such as threesomes, based on the comfort level of you and your girl.
You’ve set the mood, you’ve intrigued her mentally, but let’s take it one step further. Here are some physical foreplay techniques that will help to continue building her up.
Experimenting with Temperature
Light some candles to set a scene, but then put the candle wax to good use by gently spilling it on an area of the body that isn’t too sensitive.
The idea here is to experiment with varying temperatures. The candle wax is hot and it sends a sudden but welcome shock through her body. It’s not painful, but it’s not a light feather touch either. It’s right in the middle.
Another temperature foreplay trick you can use is on the other spectrum with ice. Take an ice cube, start at her neck and slowly draw the ice down her chest, around her nipples, and to her stomach.
Discuss this beforehand but consider bringing bedpost ties or handcuffs into the mix for this one. This allows you to tease her with temperature and it adds the element of submissiveness.
Guys, listen up: in order for a massage to be effective, it can’t immediately start with you massaging her butt then jumping into sex…
We’re all guilty of it, but in order for this to work, have a bit of self-control.
Massages should be suggestive, not explicit (not right away). Start at her neck and work your way down. Each time you pass her butt or inner thighs, gently brush them going by, but don’t stop there.
You’ll notice that she’ll eventually start getting antsy, but continue teasing and holding off on giving her what she wants.
Spend time at the erogenous zones, especially the neck, around her breasts, and upper hamstrings (just below her butt). Eventually, make your way up her thighs, but don’t cave in too quickly.
The longer you hold out, the more hot and bothered she gets, the better.
Much like we talked about with sexting or phone sex, using a blindfold adds the element of the unknown and anticipation into the mix. Not knowing what is coming next but feeling the anticipation building is going to be a foreplay paradise for her.
You can use a blindfold during one of the types of foreplay we mentioned above such as dripping candle wax, tracing an ice cube, and kissing her erogenous zones.
Again, consider getting permission to use handcuffs or bed ties along with the blindfold and other forms of physical foreplay.
There’s two ways to approach this one: you can masturbate one another or you can take care of yourselves while watching each other. The former is something you probably do already so we recommend trying the latter.
Watching each other as you pleasure yourselves is literally building up the tension to a point where it’s a waiting game to see who breaks first. If you’ve saved this for last, and you’ve done several of the other things on this list, chances are she’ll be jumping on you first.
If you’re not a fan of going down on your girl… we’re not going to tell you that you’re wrong, but we will say that you need to get with the times.
Since intercourse isn’t the primary way that women get off, they are looking forward to receiving oral sex. The majority of the vagina’s nerve endings are on the outside, not the inside, which means putting your tongue to good use will make her happy. You’ll also secretly get kudos from her friends.
Not sure where to begin? Try the alphabet method. Trace each letter of the alphabet with your tongue. Listen for clues that she’s enjoying one letter more than the others. Once you find it, keep at it.
During the physical foreplay, especially kissing, massage, and tracing an ice cube, we want you to pay attention to her erogenous zones.
These are areas of the body that are highly sensitive and when touched usually trigger a physical reaction that can help with foreplay.
What part of the body do you think is the number one erogenous zone? Would you believe that it’s your lips?
Humans are unique in that our lips extend outward where all other mammals have inward lips. What’s more, our lips are packed with an insane number of nerve endings. Take advantage of how sensitive the lips are with light kissing, tracing your finger, and gentle lip biting.
When most guys think of erogenous zones, the last part of the body they consider is the ear. Much like the lips, our ears are loaded with multiple nerve endings. They are also super sensitive to touch.
Ever have someone brush your ear before? Chances are you immediately developed goosebumps as a result.
Again, take advantage of this. Kiss and lightly lick – don’t slobber – her ear. If you’re skilled enough, maybe throw in a gentle bit on the earlobe (lower part).
Who can forget about the neck? It’s one of the most popular erogenous zones for men and women where even an accidental touch can send welcome shivers down your back.
Start at the ears, dance on the lips, then get to work on the neck. Light kissing where your lips are lightly brushing the skin works wonders. You can even throw in gentle sucking, but DO NOT leave a hickey. You’re not in middle school anymore.
Focus on Foreplay First
Remember, before the pants come off and you jump right into the main attraction, take a step back. Think about sex like this: foreplay is for the woman. Make sure she gets hers and she’ll ensure you get yours.
Don’t be greedy. Focusing on foreplay will dramatically improve your sexual experience and overall relationship. You don’t have to incorporate every foreplay idea on this list at once. No good magician shows you all his tricks in one sitting.
Try one or two of these foreplay techniques, work it into your sexual routine, master them, and then incorporate a few more. If you have your own foreplay ideas, share with other readers and let us know about them in the comments below.