The sad fact is: you can enter into a sexual lull at any time in your life. From fluctuating hormones to new medications to old age to emotional obstacles to the va-va voom leaving the room (because you’ve simply been together THAT long); it can hit you at any point…
Now, before you lose heart… don’t panic. It ISN’T permanent! Hell, you can easily reverse it by simply learning how to spice up your sex life; reignite your engines, and discovering how to give both of you the orgasms you’re gagging for.
So if you’re looking for new ways to spice up your sex life, why not take a look at our guide below? Enjoy…
- Work on your sexual communication
- Give adventurous sex a try
- Consider a polyamory relationship
- Try porn as therapy
- Create your own porn
- Bonus Tip
If your sex life is for want of a better word ‘lacklustre’, then the first thing you need to do to get out of this funk is to take a closer look at your relationship. Is there anything about your relationship that may be seeping into the bedroom? Is there something like:
- Unresolved feelings
You need to examine your relationship and be open about your feelings. ANYTHING that is negatively affecting your thoughts, feelings and opinions of one another is going to naturally impact on your libido, desire and sexual cravings.
Sure, angry sex is all well and good in the heat of the moment. And yeah, we all like a little hate sex on occasion…
But there is a massive difference between getting caught in the moment and having lingering feelings of distrust, resentment or even hate – yep, the big ‘h’.
After all, how can you really relax and let yourself reach for the big ‘O’ if you’re constantly feeling neglected, overlooked or irrelevant?
That is why you need to sit down and open the doors to communication. By being real, honest and genuine about all of your thoughts and feelings; you can get to the root of your sexual difficulties and take steps to move past them.
In fact, you can use this as an opportunity to explore new sexualities and release some much needed steam – and we don’t mean the sexy kind.
Here are some tips for you to help you improve communication:
TIP 1: If you’re constantly arguing or feel angry with your partner, you could attempt to do some role play or even experiment with BDSM.
Now, you’d be surprised but in most relationships, there is always one partner who is more dominant in the sack than the other (and vice versa). And this isn’t always strictly in the D/S sense of the word…
This can also extend to one of you being more open to trying new things e.g. new positions or instigating sex.
A fantastic way to improve your sex life is to change up these roles. So if one of you is naturally more dominant, encourage the other to initiate sex, take control and let them decide on your sexual position – including some new ones.
And should you stray into the kinky… make sure you have a safe word.
TIP 2: dirty talk does work! Communication is important in all facets of your relationship, so you might find a little dirty talk in the bedroom that could help you to become more open elsewhere in your relationship.
PLUS, dirty talking is great for turning a boring sex life into one that is filled with sexual tension, attraction and the inescapable need to rip each other’s clothes off.
TIP 3: don’t be afraid to express yourselves. Now we’re not talking about attacking each other verbally. That’s the last thing you want. What we mean is that you need to create a space where you’re not afraid to tell each other EXACTLY how you feel.
One common therapy tool is a talking stick. The idea is when you’re holding the stick you can speak freely without the other person being able to interrupt. Instead, they have to sit, listen and let you express yourself. Once done, they get a turn with the stick.
Now, you might think that this is just asking for an argument to kick-off; however, this honesty might pleasantly surprise you…
TIP 4: ask for directions. Once you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you naturally assume that you know about everything you’re partner likes.
Yet ask yourself this – how often are YOU 100% honest about your sexual satisfaction? Every time? The answer is – probably not. The problem is – you don’t want to risk hurting their feelings. Yet, by not being honest, you’re preventing them from hitting the mark.
That is why you should never be afraid to ask for directions and ask her what she likes. Is there something she wants you to do? A slight adjustment of your tongue or fingers?
Offer her this chance and she WILL reciprocate by asking you for your dream blowjob/handjob.
The key is to be subtle and don’t blatantly say it. Instead, be suggestive and incorporate it into your dirty talk.
TIP 5: learn new things together. Another way to pave the way to better communication is to try new things together, such as new sexual positions.
Pick one or two you fancy trying, and the next time you’re in bed, give them a go and don’t be afraid to take the lead.
TIP 6: ‘forty beads’… If you’re not familiar with the book, the idea is that you give your partner a bag of red beads and agree that when they put a bead on the nightstand, you’ll have sex within the next 24 hours.
Not only does this tell your partner that you’re in the mood; it also gives you both time to prepare and think about sex throughout the day – acting as a big turn on.
Okay. You’re now talking, communicating and being honest with one another. You know what she does and doesn’t want. You better understand what makes her tick and what gets her hot.
Now, it is time to take things to the next level – make sex more adventurous.
And that is often half the problem. The monotony of having sex in the same place every day can leave you feeling lacking.
That is why we encourage you to experiment and try new things to spice up your sex life. Here are a few tips…
1 – Try having sex in different rooms
You’d be astonished by how much doing it in the kitchen – instead of on your bed – can make it more exciting. Table, chair, counter… there is an element of being seen or caught out that ups the arousal factor.
Alternatively, you can keep it simple and try doing things such as jumping into the shower with them. Baths and showers are the perfect arenas for experimenting orally (for both of you) and ramping up your foreplay.
2 – Outdoors
If the prospect of being seen or getting caught gets both of you hot and heavy, then consider doing it outdoors.
Woodland, on the beach (at night), in the disabled toilets, in the car, on the balcony… all can offer you an element of privacy i.e. ways to block the view so you don’t feel too self-conscious, whilst still being sexually liberating.
NOTE: just remember to be cautious and ensure that you aren’t breaking any rules/get caught by the law.
3 – Sensory deprivation
There is a theory that when you remove one of your senses, this heightens the other ones – including touch. Now, if this sparks your interest then you might enjoy bringing blindfolds to the bedroom.
Similarly, tying each other up and preventing one of you from touching the other, can heighten your arousal and get your heart racing.
4 – Explore your fantasies
Everyone has sexual fantasies.
So instead of living in denial or feel that your fantasies are ‘weird’; why not embrace them and discover what secretly sparks your libidos? After all – is there anyone better to share your fantasies with than someone you deeply love/care about?
In fact, you may find that you both share the same/ similar fantasies or that what you feared was weird, actually gets her just as hot under the collar.
Just remember to 1) start with your tamest fantasies first and gradually build up to your wilder ones (once you’re both comfortable), 2) be open to each other’s fantasies (even if you don’t want to try them – don’t be judgemental), 3) don’t force it if they aren’t up for it, 4) use positive reinforcement (reward them for being open about their fantasies as this will encourage them to share even more with you), and 5) keep it a secret amongst yourselves.
5 – Use sex toys
One of the best ideas to spice up your sex life is to add toys to the mix, as there is something for both of you to enjoy. PLUS they are great for turning plain old foreplay and sex into something new, shiny and slightly forbidden.
TIP: don’t rely solely on sex toys to rejuvenate your sex life, otherwise they too will soon become boring. Instead, treat them as an appetiser and not the main course.
6 – Sext it up
Now we aren’t just talking pics here. Texting your partner and telling her exactly what you want to do to her once she gets home/when you next see her, will really help to build up the tension.
7 – Masturbate in front of each other
Basically put on a show of getting yourselves off and see how long they last before they can’t help joining in.
8 – Roleplay
There is something exciting about screwing whilst pretending to be someone else. Roleplay allows you to escape who you normally are and create characters that make each of you horny.
Other tips: eat off of each other; offer each other a sexy massage or blast your favorite songs whilst you have sex.
We won’t lie. This idea is an unusual one and certainly isn’t for everyone as it is probably something you’ve never tried before, especially if you’ve always done serious, long term relationships.
Yet, if you’re both open to it; it could reveal many new and exciting doors to explore…
So what are the Pros?
- Strengthen your relationship
A strange concept we know, but you may find that making the suggestion helps you to realise just how comfortable you are with each other and how in love you are.
No matter whether you decide you can’t handle it, or you realise that you love each other enough regardless of who you’re each having sex with.
- Broaden your sexual understanding of yourself
There is something quite enlightening about discovering what you are or aren’t willing to do. With this renewed awareness you can strengthen your relationship with your partner.
- Spice things up
When venturing into polyamory you may find that you’re only open to the idea IF you’re present and can watch (like your own personal porn show).
- Learn new techniques
Having more than one partner is not only a self-esteem booster but can also offer you the chance to acquire new skills in the sack.
Basically, having multiple partners will allow you to experiment, as each of your partners will have their own preferences and level of openness towards trying something new.
What are the Cons?
- Broaching the subject
It’s not exactly an easy conversation starter: ‘hey, do you fancy sharing your body with other people?’
Not only do you risk making them feel inadequate, upset and not enough to satisfy your sexual needs; there is also the risk that you’ll widen the divide between you…
Saying you’re okay with the idea and then being okay with it, are two completely different things. So, even if she initially agrees, you may both find yourselves overcome with jealousy i.e. at the idea of you sleeping with other people.
There is also the possibility that you may grow jealous of how much attention the other is receiving. Think about it… if you both go looking for other partners and one of you succeeds where the other fails, this could breed jealousy of a different kind.
Some might say that sex is nothing like what you see in porn, and this is true to an extent, as their sex lives do appear to be a little ‘too perfect’.
However, once you get past the bad storylines, the exaggerated moans and the myth that only men like porn; you will find a number of surprising tactics hidden amongst the footage.
That is why, instead of viewing porn as wrong or ‘taboo’, why not move past the stereotypes and try watching it together?
Sure, you will have to do a bit of digging around, to begin with, to find something you both enjoy – which doesn’t leave your partner feeling degraded…
However, get it right and you can join a lot of couples who have found watching porn together has renewed the passion in their relationships.
From discovering new positions to trying out new ideas; you can even get adventurous and try copying what you see on the screen while you’re watching it.
Even if you don’t get it perfect, the act of trying to ‘outdo’ the couple on the screen, will bring you closer together as a couple, as you’ll have a laugh trying to beat them.
In many ways, watching porn together is a form of therapy as it enables you to speak openly and joke around about sex, whilst discovering new positions that you may have been too scared to try in the past. By offering them a visual of what you want, they may be more open to giving it a go.
TIP: most women hate conventional porn i.e. cum shots in the face, so try looking for female focused pornography.
Now, if you both got a kick out of watching porn, then the following idea may be for you: creating your own video.
This is especially true if you spent the entire time laughing at the couple on the screen or exclaiming how you could do it better. With your own pornographic video, you can prove it!
All you need is a cheap camcorder and hey presto, you can bring your passion to life.
Now, we quickly want to reiterate that this tip is not for everyone, and if your partner isn’t interested, please don’t pressure them or do it without their permission.
However, if they’re up for giving this a go, then this video could prove to be a turning point in your sexual relationship. Creating a video together requires a lot of trust and faith, as you are basically exposing yourselves to one another in this video.
Think about it… your own porn video allows you to observe yourself during one of the most intimate moments in your life.
In this one video, you will acquire a better understanding of how you have sex; your sexual skills, and where you need to improve (or are already amazing), as well as will be able to see your partners’ full reactions to your moves.
A bigger plus is the fact that watching ourselves go at it is a massive turn-on for most couples. You can even try the idea out first by watching yourself in ceiling mirrors. If you both like what you see, you can upgrade to a camcorder and create a permanent memory.
NOTE: just remember – just because you’ve filmed yourselves, doesn’t mean you have to upload this video online.
Sometimes, even the best laid plans and ideas to spice up your sex life can fall at the first hurdle. Not because you want them to. But because something deep down inside is stopping you.
And that is the problem with nerves, self-doubt and low self-esteem. They can take these dreams and good intentions, and rip them away.
So what can you do? How can you experience the security and the confidence you need to put any of these things to spice up your sex life into action?
Simple: create a support system.
For instance, MaleExtra is a natural male enhancement supplement that can help you to achieve thicker, harder, longer-lasting erections that will give you the staying power to take her breath away…
And this kind of support can make all the difference.
After all… if you feel like your manhood is enhanced, then surely your sex life will be enhanced too?
By feeding into each other, you can acquire the confidence you crave to make any one of these ‘ways to spice up your sex life’ into a reality.
So is it worth learning how to spice up your sex life? We certainly think so!
True, not all of these tips are for everyone. And yeah, initially you may not see a massive difference…
However, add a little dirty talk, adventurous locations and most importantly open communication to the mix, and you too can turn a boring sex life into an R rated experience!