Let’s address the elephant in the room: You’re in a relationship and you’re not getting as much sex as you want. Although it might be frustrating and feel like something is wrong, this is completely normal and to be expected when you’ve been dating someone for a while. But is there something you can do to reignite your sex life and learn how to get more sex? You bet.
- Is My Sex Life Normal?
- How to Get your Wife to Have More Sex? Start with Communication
- Learn How to Instigate Sex
- Discover How to Boost Your Self- Esteem
- Work on Your Non-Sexual Intimacy
Having sex is a two-way street, and you need to have both parties fully invested for it to be constant and enjoyable. If your sex life is dying down, don’t stress about; get motivated to be a man and take action to save your sex life (and possibly your relationship).
This article can help you guys learn how to get more sex from your spouse or partner, while putting some new vigor into your sex life.
One of the biggest concerns among people in relationships is that their partner is losing interest in them. This isn’t always the case if your partner stops initiating sex with you as often. There are a lot of things that could cause a change in their sexual behavior, ranging from hormonal changes to stress in their daily lives.
If you want more sex, there are a lot of things that you can do to foster a healthy sexual relationship and make them more interested in getting frisky. But it all begins with learning how to communicate with your partner.
Learning how to utilize these tips might be exactly what you need to help reinvigorate your sex life. Or, they could be the tips that you need to stop turning your partner off and allow them to return to their regular appreciation of your sexuality.
However, you must start with open communication with your partner. Opening this door is like a play-by-play guidebook on what works and what doesn’t. Here are a few ways to improve your communication before having that all-important sex talk with her:
Schedule a Time: Ask her for an hour of her time, being respectful of other obligations.
Make Things Easy: Once you secure that block of time, make things easier for both of you. Make dinner or coffee, do the laundry, get the kids off to practice; remove all of the potential obstacles so that nothing interferes with your conversation.
Get Comfy: This isn’t a lecture or negotiation; it’s a discussion. Get comfortable by sitting on the couch or in your bed, then begin talking.
Listen More Than Talking: Don’t forget to truly listen. You might not agree with some of the things she says, but it’s important to listen to her. Don’t try to formulate a response or focus on getting in the last word. Let her talk so you can properly address the issue.
Once you improve your ability to communicate with each other, you can start to implement the following tips:
Realistically, it’s not that your partner doesn’t want to have sex; it’s just that you might be going about instigating it in a way she doesn’t prefer. In other words, you have to learn the best time and methods to start sex so that she’s more receptive.
Most women tend to feel in the mood more immediately after their period ends. Some get a boost in libido a day or two before it starts. Have a chat and ask her about her cycle, and when she typically feels the most like tearing your clothes off.
No two women will have the exact same preferences for initiating sex (or having their men initiate sex). And why should you play the guessing game for months (or years)? Studies confirm that women are just as rambunctious as men, but they usually aren’t as direct.
As recommended by Petra Zebroff Ph.D., here are three questions you can ask her to determine what her sexual style is:
Talker or Toucher: Does your women prefer to be asked for sex? Or does she prefer verbal foreplay (e.g., you telling her what you’re going to do to her before you do it)? Maybe she’s a toucher and gets turned off when you ask. She might want you to take charge without the talking.
Direct or Subtle: Is your woman a down-to-business kinda girl? Does she want you to be direct and not beat around the bush? Or does she like the buildup that starts as subtle cues and becomes something more?
Surprised or Planned: Does your partner like the element of surprise? Would she rather be taken and tossed on the bed as soon as she steps in the door? Or does she like to schedule a time to toss her clothes aside?
There’s no doubt that you may have to adapt, but by doing so, you both get what you want: better and more frequent sex.
Couples tend to get comfortable. Those habits and routines you once had when you were single, especially fitness and physical activities, may have fallen by the wayside. Maybe you’ve gained a few pounds, put aside those big goals, and settled into being settled. Hey, we get it; it’s normal. But it can also be very costly.
Some women (perhaps most women) prefer to have a dominant partner. Not in a sexual sense, but in the way that you are confident in who you are, and you have seemingly high levels of self-esteem. If you haven’t been feeling at the top of your game, this lack of confidence could be zapping her libido as a response. Here are a few ways to kickstart your self-esteem and improve your overall outlook:
Hit the Gym: Studies show that engaging in a consistent exercise program, especially resistance training, can help to improve mood and confidence.
Practice Better Self Talk: We often don’t realize how negative we can be towards ourselves. In turn, this can reflect on how we treat others. Practice positive self-talk, catching yourself when you say something negative and replacing it with a positive.
Practice Gratitude: Each day, sit down and physically write three things that you’re grateful for. Studies show that practicing gratitude can improve overall mental wellbeing.
Couples who only know intimacy when they’re having sex tend to have very short-winded relationships. Physical intimacy is a fantastic thing but restricting it to sex is leaving out a much larger piece of the equation, which creates a relationship that isn’t intimate at all.
Here are several ways you can practice non-sexual intimacy, make your partner feel special, and improve your relationship.
Just Cuddling is Okay: Just because you’re spooning on the couch doesn’t mean you have to start something. Non-sexual physical touch is important for keeping the two of you emotionally vested in each other. It also acts as a way to build up sexual tension for another time.
Make Your Partner Feel Special: Flowers delivered to her work, a dinner that you cooked (or ordered from a super fancy restaurant), and taking her to do that couple’s acro-yoga class; these are all examples of ways you can make your partner feel special. It shows you listen to her and recognize her needs. It also goes a long way in strengthening the relationship.
Set Aside Time for the Two of You: Continuing with one point we made above, it’s important to set aside time for the two of you. This doesn’t mean you need to talk about sex during this time; rather, this is time for you two to talk about life, goals, funny stories, etc. Let go, be yourself, and remember why you fell in love with each other. Sex should not be the center focus, but if happens, enjoy it.
How to Get More Sex: Communication and Consistency
There are a lot of things that you can do to help ensure that your partner wants to keep having sex with you, but it all starts with listening and proper communication.
That’s not to say that you should neglect your own needs, but finding a middle ground for the both of you starts with sitting down and being honest. It might be a tough conversation to have, but the progress you’ll make afterward can literally save your relationship and sex life.