When you’ve been in a relationship for some time, it’s totally natural for your sex life to change. Typically, we often experience lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship, but as time goes on, we may start to have less sex in our relationship.
Whether you’re wondering ‘why does sex decrease in relationships?’ or you’ve noticed some changes in your sex drive, it’s a common concern to have!
So, we’re here to set the record straight, with 10 facts about sex in long term relationships.
Ready? Let’s get started.
1. Many of us have lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship
The start of a new relationship is incredibly exciting, especially in the bedroom! This is when sexual energy can often be at its highest, as you explore one another’s bodies and discover how to please each other.
Before we become familiar with a partner, there’s an incredible buzz of excitement and arousal at the thought of seeing them naked alone. As we begin to bond and our relationship grows, we can feel a surge in feel-good bonding chemicals.
While long term relationship sex can be a different type of sex compared to those thrilling first times together, it can also become far more meaningful than a fling! However, as we venture into a long term relationship, everyday stresses can get in the way – throwing a spanner into the works that are our sex life!
If you’re wondering, ‘why does sex decrease in relationships?’, we may not have a precise reason or timeframe to report, but we do know that…
2. Less sex in a relationship over time is normal
Although we worry when does sex slow down in a relationship, or wonder if we’re having enough in the first place, less sex in a relationship over time is totally normal. Let’s face it, when we first start dating, we’re pretty carefree!
Once we settle down into a long term relationship, there are many factors that can interrupt our sex lives, including:
- Self-confidence and body image
- Relationship troubles
- Side effects of medication
- Life changes (such as a new job, house move or new baby)
- Poor sleep
- Hormone changes
- Mental health challenges
Experiencing less sex in a relationship is nobody’s fault, but can often be the result of everyday stresses we experience through work, family life and everything in between.
It’s totally normal to not always feel as though you’re ready to jump in the sack, and juggling work, a long term relationship and your sex life can be tricky.
3. A lack of sex drive could be the result of larger issues
If you feel as though your sex drive is flagging, it could be due to larger relationship problems.
While sex is hot, sweaty and let’s face it – incredibly pleasurable – it won’t fix any underlying relationship issues. It can be easy to simply sweep any relationship troubles under the rug! Instead, try to face any problems head on with your partner by speaking openly about your relationship.
Don’t worry, you’ll soon have your long term relationship sex drive back in no time! By being open with your partner and communicating any problems, you’ll quickly regain that strong bond between you and be back in the sack in no time.
4. Long term relationship sex improves happiness
When it comes to long term relationship sex, studies have shown it to improve relationship satisfaction too. Generally, sex helps to maintain a strong bond and trust between partners, no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship for.
While sex in a long term relationship is important and can improve your relationship, it can also depend on your individual needs and the couple’s needs overall.
Although, studies have suggested there are strong links between a good long term relationship sex life and overall happiness in your relationship.
If we’re being totally honest, the amount of sex you have in a long term relationship and its importance is totally down to you. For some, weekly sex is on the agenda, while for others, sex plays a less important role.
Who doesn’t love a toe-curling orgasm?! That being said, communication is key in a healthy long term relationship to maintain an active sex life.
5. Low sex drive affects men and women in relationships
Despite stereotypes and what movies lead us to believe, not all men are ready to jump in the sack at a moment’s notice.
In fact, both men and women can suffer from low sex drive, not really feeling in the mood for sex. As we get older, us guys can slowly notice our testosterone levels decreasing, causing our libido to gradually decrease. While this can be a part of ageing, it doesn’t mean it has to affect your sex life in a long term relationship!
If you do notice either you or your partner isn’t quite so interested in sex, don’t worry, this is totally normal! The best way to approach this is a conversation with your partner, to talk over any problems or worries you may have.
6. We still enjoy sex, despite not always feeling in the mood
Although long term relationship sex can differ from the lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship, we still very much enjoy sex mid-session.
Although many things can get in the way of our sex lives, we all experience sexual desire in different ways. For example, some of us need to feel aroused before jumping in the sack, while others can get down and dirty at the drop of a hat.
Responsive desire – Our bodies responding to physical arousal (kissing, being caressed & foreplay)
Spontaneous desire – Randomly finding ourselves in the mood for sex, without any physical arousal
If we’re totally honest with ourselves, our early 20s were pretty much fueled by spontaneous sex! But like many things in life, our sex lives can change, meaning less sex in a relationship long term.
However, that doesn’t have to mean no sex at all!
To kickstart your relationship and sex life, try adding a little spice to your sex sessions and explore new pleasures together.
Remember, while your 20-something sex drive might not quite be the same later in life, it doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy having sex when you do get hot and sweaty together.
7. Not every sex session has to be spontaneous
When we first start dating someone, there tends to be lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship – and boy, can it be spontaneous. But as we venture into a long term relationship, things can get in the way of jumping in bed together at a moment’s notice.
Of course, you don’t need to go crossing off days in your calendar for when you’re ready to have sex, but making time for sex in a long term relationship is still incredibly important!
Although you may be concerned (of course!) about less sex in a long term relationship, don’t get too hung up on it having to be spontaneous.
Instead, try to have some fun with your partner, building up the anticipation and excitement for sex. Whether you sext throughout the day or swap naughty photos, knowing that sex is on the agenda that evening can be thrilling enough!
If you feel like the pressure of having sex is getting to you, or your partner, start off by making time for a date night together and go back to basics. Enjoy making out and having fun together, without the pressure of sex.
8. A low libido doesn’t mean “doing it” anyway
Sex in a long term relationship doesn’t have to feel like a strict routine. While we may experience lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship, when we’ve been together a little longer there feels like less opportunity for spontaneity.
However, if your libido (or your partner’s) isn’t quite where you/they’d like it to be, don’t feel guilty or disappointed and have sex anyway to please your partner. In fact, research has shown that having sex to avoid these feelings can result in less sexual and relationship satisfaction.
A low sex drive doesn’t mean just “doing it” anyway to please your partner, as sex is most certainly a two-way street!
9. Long term relationship sex can be incredibly passionate and sexy
There’s absolutely no reason why long term relationship sex can’t still be as passionate and hot as the sex at the beginning of your relationship.
If anything, sex with a long term partner can be more meaningful and experimental, as you build a bond and trust between you. While it’s easy to wonder, ‘when does sex slow down in a relationship?’, the honest truth is, there is no pivotal point that changes your sex life.
Instead, try using your long term bond to your advantage! Take it as an opportunity to explore new pleasures together, having already gotten to grips with each other’s likes and dislikes.
10. Exciting sex is a shared experience
Sex shouldn’t feel like a battle of libidos! Neither one of you should feel as though you need to “do it anyway” to please the other. A healthy sex life in a long term relationship is built on trust, commitment and communication…
… And of course, a little imagination!
If you have any sexual concerns, or worries in your relationship, speak to your partner openly to address these problems. This will help you both to get your sexual confidence back and get back in the sack together!
Ready to reignite your sex life?
Sex in a long term relationship can be exciting, adventurous and spontaneous! While our sex lives may differ from the initial stages of dating, there is plenty of room left to explore new levels of pleasure together.
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