Did you know that up to half of women do not achieve an orgasm during sex? Even when additional stimulation is involved, fifty percent of women don’t find the same release that the majority of guys have no problem with. The good news is that you can do something about it: you can learn how to please a woman.
Learning how to please your significant other can literally change your relationship. Not only is it key to ensuring you and your partner are both satisfied in the bedroom, but it can improve communication, attraction, and interest for one another. And hey, you’ll get more sex. But what exactly does it mean to please a woman?
We’ve got you covered. Let’s discover why some women can’t achieve an orgasm as well as a complete guide to pleasing a woman in bed.
- What Does It Mean To Please A Woman In Bed?
- Why Do Some Women Struggle to Orgasm During Sex?
- How to Please a Woman
Believe it or not, guys, sex does not equate to instant pleasure for most women. While guys are all about the visual act of sex, women tend to be in their own heads looking for connection, story, and excitement all rolled into one.
Think about it: Why are romance novels so damn popular? A story of passion is presented and the woman’s imagination does the rest. Romance novels might have different characters, settings, and minor details, but the format is always the same. The untamed wild man wins the female protagonist’s mind, which is the key to her heart and her bedroom.
Pleasing a woman is mental before it’s physical. It’s making her want you and sex more than you want it. You need to focus on her in the right way before she’ll devote all of her attention to you. And if you do it right, she’ll be more than happy to give you that attention. Before we give you the best ways to please a woman, let’s discuss why some women struggle with orgasms.
If you’re like most guys, you may not realize that many women have trouble achieving an orgasm during sex. Don’t let her over-enthusiastic moans fool you. So many women focus on their partner’s pleasure, and they may not feel comfortable vocalizing their concerns because of embarrassment or uncertainty. Hence the stereotype of fake orgasms to keep guys happy.
So, what’s the issue? Why can’t women have orgasms? There’s not just one simple and straightforward reason that women struggle to have an orgasm. One study surveyed over 900 women and here are the most common reasons that women struggle:
Stress and Anxiety: The number one reason that women struggle to achieve an orgasm is stress and anxiety. This tends to come from the pressure of wanting to provide a great sexual experience. Remember, women are in their own heads during sex. Unfortunately, when she’s in her head and stressed about making sure you’re having a good time, she’s not focused on herself. Now couple this with anxiety about how well she’s doing, if you’re enjoying it, or whether a certain position is working, and you can see how an orgasm for her never enters the picture.
Lack of Arousal or Stimulation: The next most common reason on the list is that women aren’t aroused enough or aren’t stimulated enough during sex. So, we have a two-fold issue here: 1. Women aren’t aroused enough, which means guys aren’t tapping into that imaginative side we discussed above. 2. Women aren’t stimulated enough, and that should come as no surprise as many women can’t have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. We’ll explore the idea of foreplay and additional stimulation below.
Not Enough Time: It’s no secret that women take longer to achieve an orgasm than men. One study found that the average female orgasm takes over 13 minutes to reach. Compare that to an average of six minutes for men and you can see why there is a disconnect. As we’ll discuss more below, this is why foreplay is essential in learning how to please a woman sexually.
Negative Body Image: Although you might think your partner is sexy and you’re practically drooling all over her, she may not see things the same way. Once the clothes come off, women who have a negative body image can get caught up in a wave of self-conscious stress and anxiety about how they look. Obviously, if they’re too focused on that, they aren’t focusing on enjoying themselves during sex.
Pain or Irritation: Sex isn’t always something that instantly feels good for women. In fact, a decent percentage of women report feeling pain or irritation during sex. This is usually from a lack of lubrication. If a woman isn’t sufficiently aroused, there won’t be enough lubrication to comfortably initiate and continue sex.
Medication-Related Issues: While not as common, some medications can decrease vaginal lubrication or libido (or both), and this can make a guy’s job that much more difficult. If your partner is on a medication that is affecting her ability to enjoy sex, she may want to discuss this with her doctor. Perhaps there’s an alternative medication that won’t have sexual side effects.
That last section might have you feeling pretty anxious, but don’t worry! We have a solution for each and every reason that a woman has trouble achieving orgasm. Here’s your complete troubleshooting guide on how to satisfy a woman in bed.
Make Time to Talk
First things first: talk with your partner about sex. Yeah, it might be awkward at first, especially if you’ve never had a talk about turn-ons and turn-offs, but it’s important to do it if you want to please her.
Consider scheduling a time to talk about it. You can make a casual dinner, sit down without your phones or television, and let the conversation flow naturally. There’s no agenda other than wanting to learn about each other so you can please one another.
Stress the importance of honesty and let her know that there are no judgments. Sometimes, people have seemingly unconventional ways of achieving orgasm. It’s important to support that and don’t be shocked or disappointed when she tells you. She’s opening herself up to you and that’s a huge sign of trust, so make sure you respect that.
Some questions to ask:
- What do I do that you like?
- What do you want me to do more of?
- Which positions work best for you?
- Do you want to incorporate toys?
- Can you be more vocal about when you’re about to have an orgasm?
Set the Mood
Set and setting are key to making sure things go smoothly in the bedroom. A bit of romance goes a long way. Don’t worry if it seems cliché or cheesy. Here are a few ways that you can set the mood:
- Have dinner waiting for her (An expensive bottle of wine is a nice touch)
- Clean your living space (especially the bedroom)
- Put on mood music
- Clean yourself up: take a shower, shave, and put on that cologne she loves
Setting the mood begins before the sex starts. It’s like a form of foreplay (more on that below). If you immediately draw back when presented with the idea of going the extra mile, imagine this:
Your partner is getting home from a long day at work after battling rush hour traffic for an hour. You know this, but you’ve been thinking about her all day and can’t wait to get her in the bedroom. What do you think would be more of a turn-on for your partner after a bad day: A messy apartment and an anxious boyfriend who just wants to fulfill his own needs or a clean apartment with dinner on the table, candles on the counter, and some relaxing music playing in the background?
If your girlfriend has expressed feeling stressed or anxious during sex, setting a scene in the bedroom can make a dramatic difference. Make it inviting by cleaning it up. That means laundry away, dressers wiped down, and sex necessities (e.g., condoms, lube, toys) on the night table. Turn the lights off and light a candle so you can see each other but it’s not like you’re on display for each other.
Don’t Skip Foreplay
Guys, we need you to really listen here: Sex is amazing, but foreplay is essential. While you might be good and ready to go, she probably isn’t. A woman must prepare for sex mentally and physically. The latter is going to require plenty of foreplay.
Remember two of the reasons that she might not be able to achieve an orgasm is lacking arousal and not being lubricated enough. Foreplay solves both of these issues. You can increase arousal by building things up. This means teasing her by gently biting her lip and talking dirty but holding back from delivering. Let the sexual tension build up until she makes a move or she’s demanding less talk and more action.
Once the clothes are off, the foreplay continues. Kiss her erogenous zones or points on her body that are sensitive and create a sexual response. Trace a line from her neck, breasts, stomach, and inner thighs.
Foreplay for her also means oral sex. We suggest tongue before fingers to ensure there is plenty of lubrication and it will feel good. Don’t be afraid to bring toys into the mix, especially if it’ll help her achieve an orgasm before the sex even starts. Again, you’re not jumping right into sex. The idea is to have things build-up to the point where she can’t take it anymore.
Communicate with Her When You Touch Her
Reiterating the point from above, bring communication into the bedroom. No, you won’t need to have a full-length conversation as you’re thrusting, but make sure what you’re doing is working. It’s okay to ask if she likes something or if a certain position feels good.
Don’t keep asking her if she’s about to have an orgasm because that’ll distract her and put pressure on her, which will defeat the purpose. Instead, keep the talk about what’s working or dirty talk.
Keep the Focus on Her
If you haven’t figured it out by now, all of our suggestions are making sure she comes first… pun intended.
Guys, put your ego and needs aside when things are starting to happen. Focus on making her feel comfortable. If she’s had trouble achieving orgasm in the past, make sure you tell her that it’s all about her and encourage her to be selfish for a bit.
Trust us, if you make it all about her in the beginning, she’ll make sure the focus is on you at the end. She’ll match your level of effort and you will both end up satisfied. It’s a win-win.
Focus on Sexual Positions for Women
Every guy has that one sexual position that can wrap things up quickly. Well, she has one too. It’s your job to find out what it is and make sure that’s first on the list. Here are some ideas for sexual positions for women that you can try:
Cowgirl on the Sofa: Hits the right spot and provides excellent clitoral contact.
Spoons: Comfortable and allows you to stimulate her with your hands.
Lying Down Doggy: Similar to doggy style, but it allows for deeper penetration while increasing friction.
How to Please a Woman: Focus on Her
Learning how to please a woman starts with you stepping out of the spotlight for a bit and putting her on that pedestal.
Take time to learn about what she likes and then practice just that in the bedroom. Making her feel comfortable is key here. Don’t put pressure on her. It might take some practice, but be patient and that hard work will pay off for both of you.